My gosh

My sibling and I, well, he and I , and my mom have talked about my possible, if not addiction to the internet, don't get me wrong. I won't say I don't have if I do, but, I feel I get more out of it when it lets me, here and mainly tumblr, than the real world. I can't play any official sports and certain exercises because I am not aloud and or need to take it easy.  *Sigh*  Another one is they think I need to be out of the house more, and or hang out with friends out of the house...give me money and I would...and the friend part, yah, most are over 35 minutes away and or busy, can't for transportation, getting ready for collage, etc. Thanks for reminding me sibling that I will be loosing some of my closets friends kept me from destroying my life any further.  And the ones here, well, busy too and or gone, and I am scared to ask. *Sigh*

A big problem to, other than my friends, cause that is a huge problem, is my art side. I LOVE ART, and writing, but, I don't feel like doing it a lot if at all. This happens at times but this is different and been bothering me for at least two to three months. It's hard for me to explain in words. People complement me in my rp, and my friend says she likes my stories that I wrote, even though she hasn't caught up with them being to busy, so like them. And I know I can draw, well, it depends on your mood and enthusiasm and opinion, and such, for some say some of my drawing are really good to amazing. Me, I can say that to only a few pieces. But lately it seems like I gave up on writing and drawing, which I hate myself for in one way or another. Though I keep rping, so that makes me happy. But, I want more in like, my life has been wasting away, and I hate it, it makes me angry, depressed, sad, and more. But it's true, it has, and it feels like it, and, I want more in life. And a big thing for me is appreciation for me and my art, separate and whole. I love my art at times, but I want other to love my art, writing, drawing what ev, as well. People say, art, you liking and what ever should be enough, and that should be true, but for me I want to love my art, but I want other to love it as well, to enjoy, to make them happy, smile, sad, cry, laugh...I want them to feel at least, parts of my world, what I see, think, feel everyday. I don't want my day dreaming and such for over half my life to wasted. I want to share it with the world. That's a huge goal fro me, to make a series and so much more of how I think and see things, and just be a fun. But I don't get that really, for anything. I try so many things, but, I could never get to that one stage were I feel something worth while, a talent, a gift, something to work on and keep at it and so much more. I can draw and write, and other times my art and writing look like, okay, mainly art, look like a stereotypical art piece of a school teacher. And it been more teacher art then other one. I am trying to find things, work on things that the two can switch parts, but it is VERY hard, and will take time. BUT I don't see the point, if I am the only one enjoying it...

I am sorry to sound selfish, self centered, etc, but this has been bothering me for years, and a center of parts of things in my life in things. Hopefully I can get photo shop and more drawing books etc someday. But...I hope...I can feel wanted, enjoy, and find people who appreciate my work, even if it's the good once. I can go one, but my mental level is low with other things. I just hope I can fix it before it is to late. And I know no one reads this, or at least reply. But this means a lot to me, to have meaning in life...because with out it, there is just no point living, just wast away. So sorry . Have a good rest of the week Take care, have fun, be safe. 

B.T.W : Hopefully I be more active in my Fable Freak group that I am it's well, head what ever. Because I love that group and want to bring it back to life. And I want to get my Harry Potter group moving more. XD I feel those two groups been lazying around to much. Mainly my bad. I also didn't post this on tumblr for the fact they say I should take a break. I don't need a break. I need to find when the best times to be on and fill my life with more things. Also if I start doing great art and writing, I feel like I can be more loose with my time on tumblr, feel more, less demanded by myself.